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[grabaslice]

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[grabaslice]

[An actual call is not what Leo expected. He assumed Donnie would just... end things and walk off.]

You don't have to answer those questions now. I'll... [He takes in a breath, not sure if its helping or hurting the situation.] I'll leave them here. Between us, and we'll see what happens?

I don't want things to be like this forever, Donnie.

[notapancake]

... I don't think it can change, Leo.

[He hates that everyone else seems to have adjusted easily, or that Leo said he'd help him out. But none of that shows in his tone of voice.]

[grabaslice]

I think it can, Donnie. [He does believe that, even with all the fighting that has been going on.] We both need to just listen to each other. Even if it is a lot easier to fight.

[notapancake]

Yeah, look at how well that's gone. [Because he highly doubts Leo will listen, also considering what Casey asked him before well... He's come to the conclusion that what he wants or what will make him happy doesn't matter, as it's always been.]

[grabaslice]

[He's just gotta be a bitch out the gate-]

Some things take more than one or two tries, Donnie. Especially for two people set in their ways.

[notapancake]

Maybe, but I've realized something a long time ago Leo... So I'm just going to go back to doing what I did back then.

[Not even bitchy! Just stating a fact.]

[grabaslice]

Can you tell me what you realized? I feel like... we're on completely different pages in the same book, Dee. Hell, different chapters. I don't like how it feels. How I'm making you feel.

[notapancake]

[Hrn, he's pretty sure Leo won't like hearing it and also part of him believes Leo won't listen anyway but, why the fuck not. May as well.]

That what I want, or what makes me happy, doesn't matter. So why even try, it's better for everyone if I just do what makes them happy instead.

[grabaslice]

What you want and what makes you happy does matter. [He says this very firmly in kind.] I can't help you get what makes you happy unless we both understand each other.

We're not fighting a war anymore. We have the time to talk now. To feel things. Even if they're not fun, even if they hurt- it's better than pretending it's all fine.

[notapancake]

There's nothing to understand, because you never have and will never understand.

[He does honestly believe it, things didn't get better until he changed. So, just going back to what works, he guesses.]

[grabaslice]

How is there nothing to understand? You want to go back to masking all the time because you're frustrated and feel helpless.

[notapancake]

Or I could do it because then maybe you'd stop being a stupid asshole.

[grabaslice]

[A snarky comment sits in the back of his throat, but he manages to settle himself.]

Look. Besides dogging on me, which, whatever, fine. Fair enough. I'm... I'm really trying here. Even if I keep fumbling the ball somehow.

I think we both want the same thing here, but we're talking around each other a little. I'm clearly not hearing what you need. [For as frustrated as he is by all of this, he'll give up on trying to hold ground if he can get Donnie to just talk to him.]

[notapancake]

No, I don't think we do. Since you've made it clear you want to be around Casey's therapist all the time.

[He's said it so many times now, and it just seems like Leo isn't getting it.]

[grabaslice]

Do you miss me? Do you miss hanging out? [Let's try another angle. Not commenting on what was said directly.]

[notapancake]

[Leo might just hear him go "oh my god" at the questions.]

I've been pretty clear about that, actually.

[He has not, but he thinks telling Leo that Leo is spending too much time with Cad is being clear.]

[grabaslice]

[Leonardo sputters at that. Indigence, obvious in his voice when he can actually talk again.]

No, no, you have not! You've been literally dancing around it for weeks! [He forces himself to take a deep breath.] You could've just asked me 'hey, can we hang out a bit more?' That's it!

[notapancake]

Yes I have, I think pointing out that you're spending every moment you can with your boyfriend is pretty fucking clear!

[While Leo is trying to be calm, Donnie is getting worked up again.]

[grabaslice]

[Leonardo wonders if his brother hit his head at some point and lost some big brain power-]

No, Donnie. It's talking around the issue. It makes it sound like you're angry I have a friend instead of trying to ask me to spend more time with you. 'Hey, Leo, could we hang out? Hey, Leo, I'm glad you have a friend, but I miss spending time with you.'

[notapancake]

Because I am, because you've made it very clear that anyone that isn't Casey or the therapist? Doesn't matter to you.

[Again, he feels like he hasn't been subtle about this at all.]

But whatever, this isn't going to work. I was just being nice and letting you know how things went, you can go back to making moony eyes at a guy who will leave you as soon as he can and leave me alone.

[grabaslice]

Oh, this conversation is not over. [Maybe he's getting a little heated now.]

Donnie, I can't read your mind. [He's really trying to be calm and normal about this. What the hell happened to them to cause any of this? He takes another deep breath.] You framing it as me caring more about other people isn't an actual direct way to say 'hey, I miss you, let's hang out'. It makes me defensive instead of actually hearing you and what you want and need.

You do matter to me, I just can't read your mind about what you want when you're framing it like an accusation.

[notapancake]

It's not an accusation when it's what you're actually doing, Leo. [He's so tempted to just shut off the relic after saying that. But he has to say one last thing.]

And yes, it's over because I'm done with you. I'm done with being ignored no matter what I say to you, and I'm not going to fake it to keep Casey happy. And the fact he seems to think that because of your stupidity he's going to lose me, when no. It's just you who's losing out.

1/?

[grabaslice]

Oh, my god- [The frustration is audible in Leo's voice.] You are such a possessive dick who can't use his damn words to tell me what he wants!

2/?

[grabaslice]

How am I supposed to fix anything? How am I supposed to spend time with you when all you do is tell me to fuck off!

You tell me to leave you alone when I made a single friend! One! One solitary friend!

Am I supposed to only have you, Donnie? Just wait for Donnie to come back every day and hope you grace me with your presence? Sit and hope you'll actually talk to me?

[His voice cracks and wobbles slightly.]

What do you want from me anymore?

3/3

[grabaslice]

[He hiccups audibly, unable to stop himself from just crying in frustration. All of his emotions feel too big to stay inside, and he can't stop himself.

All the stress from the last few months spill out at once, an uncomfortable torrent of emotions. Everything he has kept tightly bundled together finally comes loose and he can't stop himself.

He sobs his brother's name before hanging up on the call.]