I think things worked out well, even with it not coming up before. You got to hear it from Hunter directly.
It was nice to see in person too. I didn't catch it on your face often, since you were worried about me at the time and switched gears when you saw me come into a room, but... I know you two love each other.
You'll find your footing again, Casey. I know you will.
i kind of wish id known so i could at least ask somebody to warn him. it was a crazy thing to spring on him in retrospect i hope he forgives me i hope i can remember i love him god this is so weird. and messy. i wish i just remembered everything
[Even the hard parts... even dying. Maybe. He doesn't know. But isn't this worse? He hates hurting other people...]
yeah... i wont give up at least. if i was that happy its worth it. its just rly hard rn
Yeah, very true. This should have all come up a lot sooner. [He should have really reached out, but, that's his own fault he didn't. His world had narrowed back to taking care of his son, and he needed to course correct that.]
This isn't exactly a normal situation by any means, kiddo. I think we're all in uncharted territory here. I wish we had a road map for what needs to be done.
Take your time to get comfortable, and I'm sure things will come back to you.
well idk about a lot sooner, its only been a day or so since i got back. [or something?? what is time, he slept a lot.] too late now anyway. its ok, we'll be ok
i was hoping seeing my stuff would help, but... still a big blank. the photoboard was rly intense but more bc of like who is that?? how is that me, i look, like. NICE i have all these nice clothes in my closet i dont remember getting or wearing so much stuff i have a cat?? a boyfriend?? i had another mom? i can turn into animals apparently and dance and go to school who the heck am i even mirrors are hard
[please enjoy unfiltered brainvomit, he's working through some stuff.]
im sure youre right im just worried ig i dont know them that well so its hard to feel confident ill try to believe more in them hunter at least said he wants to still be my friend
I don't think it's weird. I doubt they would either. Clarifying is a lot better than spinning in place worrying about if things are alright.
You're probably going to have complicated feelings about it for a while. Even more so when you start to remember more. It's okay if it stays complicated, just take time to think about things and see how you feel.
ill think about it. not sure what id say yet. im still figuring out my thoughts but it makes my head hurt a lot. maybe thats a memory side effect, but it's going on forever
yeah. it'll take a bit. at least if i remember everything ill remember how i feel about him, i hope its a little scary to think about i dont think id be mad or hate him, its not his fault, but idk i dont want to be afraid of him, either
Wouldn't hurt to be honest and tell them 'Hey, I'm still adjusting to all of this, could I ask some questions to clarify or check in'. Something like that.
I'm not surprised it's so scary. Feels like you walked in on a conversation and everyone else knows what's happening except you.
I'm not sure what you'll feel when the memories come back. It's a bridge you'll cross when it happens. If it helps at all, Caduceus and I both made sure there was nothing left of what possessed him. So the chance of it happening is nill.
Good. I'm glad. I figured everyone wanted to help you out. Don't let the over cautiousness keep you from just asking if something comes up.
You're probably going to be stuck in overthink for a while. I know I struggled the first month or two I was here. I tried to not worry you at the time, so... I get the feeling, kiddo.
I'm very sure it won't happen again. We were thorough.
i think im just rly hoping my memory comes back i dont want to go through another couple years redoing everything im even older already... i can feel the difference but its like its not even my body sorry im just saying the same stuff over again probably story of my life rn to everyone else
Considering this place is about finding your full potential, I doubt your memory will be gone forever, Casey. It'll just take a amount of time that will drive you a little crazy to come back.
You're allowed to say it as much as you need. Your body and brain aren't synching up to what you remember. Not the best metaphor, but, it's similar to phantom pain. This isn't my body, but it's changed. This hurts in a way I can't quantify.
You're walking in the footsteps of yourself and don't know what to do about it. I'm sure it'll stay confusing for a good while. Probably hurt too sometimes.
[He's familiar, of course. Growing up in war, and getting med training to take some of the pressure off of Leonardo, he saw a lot of injuries and losses. He heard it from Uncle Raph a little, a whole body missing, the robotic one carrying only limited sensation but memories filling in the blanks. Even sensei himself, missing his arm, has brought it up here and there, surely. Heavy wounds, maiming, the loss of something critical creating the illusion of something still being there. It... really is like that, isn't it? The loss is mostly invisible, but it's still present. Persistent. It's terrifying, the idea of moving on with all of it missing. Even if he doesn't remember what he lost, he can see the shape of it, in the expressions of his friends, his family, his apparent boyfriend. In the mirror.
It's... an apt comparison, and he's left speechless for a long moment, before his typing resumes.]
it does hurt not too bad. its manageable. but scares me sometimes i dont like that im causing the hurt, but its not my fault, so its like i cant even rly do anything about it i want them back but thats going to hurt too, considering what happened idk
It'll hurt for a good while when you least expect it. The hurt will scare you or leave you not sure what to do. It'll hurt other people too, but, they get it. They won't pin the blame on you for needing the time to adjust.
I wish I had answers, Casey. Just so I could help it hurt less and feel less daunting for you. I'll be a broken record about wanting to fix it for you or make things easier.
[It's hard to hear, but there's comfort to be found in the open honesty he gets in return. He can always depend on sensei to give it to him pretty straight, usually gently if there's time for it, but still pretty honest about how things are going down. He trusts the word of Master Leonardo, always.]
i know. even wanting to counts for a lot thank you ill try to be patient, take it slow. keep trying new things to see it it jogs my memories i wont give up
[Leonardo dotes and coddles Casey where he can, but... never when it comes to the truth of things. Casey is his child, yes, but Casey is capable in a way many teenagers his age aren't.]
If you stumble metaphorically or even literally while figuring this out, I got you, Casey.
If you need a buddy in trying new things, I'm game too. So, we're team Jones on this one.
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It was nice to see in person too. I didn't catch it on your face often, since you were worried about me at the time and switched gears when you saw me come into a room, but... I know you two love each other.
You'll find your footing again, Casey. I know you will.
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i hope he forgives me
i hope i can remember i love him
god this is so weird. and messy. i wish i just remembered everything
[Even the hard parts... even dying. Maybe. He doesn't know. But isn't this worse? He hates hurting other people...]
yeah... i wont give up at least. if i was that happy its worth it. its just rly hard rn
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This isn't exactly a normal situation by any means, kiddo. I think we're all in uncharted territory here. I wish we had a road map for what needs to be done.
Take your time to get comfortable, and I'm sure things will come back to you.
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i was hoping seeing my stuff would help, but... still a big blank. the photoboard was rly intense but more bc of like
who is that?? how is that me, i look, like. NICE
i have all these nice clothes in my closet i dont remember getting or wearing
so much stuff
i have a cat?? a boyfriend?? i had another mom? i can turn into animals apparently and dance and go to school
who the heck am i even
mirrors are hard
[please enjoy unfiltered brainvomit, he's working through some stuff.]
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You've had time to settle and grow here. You're still Casey, but you've had time to figure more out.
It will come back to you. Even if not everything does, we have the time and room to make more memories, Casey.
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guess you all better brace yourself for casey 2.0
if i end up repeating myself just smile and nod
youre biased so i wont ask you but
i really hope its worth like... starting over w/ me
for everyone else
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They love you, Casey. Beyond things being awkward here and there, I can't see them not wanting to make that effort.
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im sure youre right im just worried ig
i dont know them that well so its hard to feel confident
ill try to believe more in them
hunter at least said he wants to still be my friend
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They love you, Casey. They're your friends, and I'm sure they want you to feel supported. If you're not sure, you can tell them.
Good. I'm glad. I figured Hunter would be quick to want to at least be friends until everything settles and your memory comes back.
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like im messing up something even if i know its not my fault
i wasnt sure what he'd want. or... even what I'D want. i mean
he did kill me
thats gonna make everything harder
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You're probably going to have complicated feelings about it for a while. Even more so when you start to remember more. It's okay if it stays complicated, just take time to think about things and see how you feel.
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yeah. it'll take a bit. at least if i remember everything ill remember how i feel about him, i hope
its a little scary to think about
i dont think id be mad or hate him, its not his fault, but
idk
i dont want to be afraid of him, either
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I'm not surprised it's so scary. Feels like you walked in on a conversation and everyone else knows what's happening except you.
I'm not sure what you'll feel when the memories come back. It's a bridge you'll cross when it happens. If it helps at all, Caduceus and I both made sure there was nothing left of what possessed him. So the chance of it happening is nill.
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yeah, exactly! i should stop overthinking, too. but easier said than done
you're really sure? it isnt anywhere? it wont happen again?
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You're probably going to be stuck in overthink for a while. I know I struggled the first month or two I was here. I tried to not worry you at the time, so... I get the feeling, kiddo.
I'm very sure it won't happen again. We were thorough.
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i think im just
rly hoping my memory comes back
i dont want to go through another couple years redoing everything
im even older already... i can feel the difference but its like its not even my body
sorry im just saying the same stuff over again
probably story of my life rn to everyone else
good... im glad. thank you
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You're allowed to say it as much as you need. Your body and brain aren't synching up to what you remember. Not the best metaphor, but, it's similar to phantom pain. This isn't my body, but it's changed. This hurts in a way I can't quantify.
You're walking in the footsteps of yourself and don't know what to do about it. I'm sure it'll stay confusing for a good while. Probably hurt too sometimes.
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[He's familiar, of course. Growing up in war, and getting med training to take some of the pressure off of Leonardo, he saw a lot of injuries and losses. He heard it from Uncle Raph a little, a whole body missing, the robotic one carrying only limited sensation but memories filling in the blanks. Even sensei himself, missing his arm, has brought it up here and there, surely. Heavy wounds, maiming, the loss of something critical creating the illusion of something still being there. It... really is like that, isn't it? The loss is mostly invisible, but it's still present. Persistent. It's terrifying, the idea of moving on with all of it missing. Even if he doesn't remember what he lost, he can see the shape of it, in the expressions of his friends, his family, his apparent boyfriend. In the mirror.
It's... an apt comparison, and he's left speechless for a long moment, before his typing resumes.]
it does
hurt
not too bad. its manageable. but scares me sometimes
i dont like that im causing the hurt, but its not my fault, so its like
i cant even rly do anything about it
i want them back
but thats going to hurt too, considering what happened
idk
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I wish I had answers, Casey. Just so I could help it hurt less and feel less daunting for you. I'll be a broken record about wanting to fix it for you or make things easier.
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i know. even wanting to counts for a lot
thank you
ill try to be patient, take it slow. keep trying new things to see it it jogs my memories
i wont give up
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If you stumble metaphorically or even literally while figuring this out, I got you, Casey.
If you need a buddy in trying new things, I'm game too. So, we're team Jones on this one.
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pretty much everything i try rn is new, but im down for more! im glad you're here for that. i wanted this more than anything tbh