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[grabaslice]

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[grabaslice]

[He stares at the text for a long moment, sighing as he texts back.]

I'd ask 'do you want to talk about it', but I can sense the answer is going to be 'no'.

[notapancake]

[A long moment, too long, before he replies.]

Not with you is more accurate.

[grabaslice]

[Leo assumes Donnie has abandoned the conversation entirely until he comes back. The sentiment does nothing to make Leonardo feel any better. He wanted his brother to do this so badly, but Donnie is souring that as well. Leonardo nearly just closes his relic to forget the conversation. What is he supposed to say?

Does Donnie want him to beg? To plead? To make promises? He's begged his twin to hear him out repeatedly. Every time he hits the same result. Donnie pulling away from him, accusing him of something.]

Why do you hate me so much?

[notapancake]

[What a question. If he really hated Leo? He wouldn't have told him about being healed, he wouldn't have told Leo about moving out. If he truly hated his twin?

He'd just forget about Leo.]

I hate that you say one thing, but do the opposite. I hate that when I'm telling you things as plainly as I can, you don't listen. I hate that if I so much as look at you funny you run off to your stupid friend every time.

So no, I don't hate you. I hate what you're becoming.

[There's also more, but Donnie just doesn't know how to put it into words.]

[grabaslice]

You know, I almost asked, 'give me some examples, and I'll own them.'

But you won't. You don't have any examples. You're set on this idea that I'm man crazy and stupid. You're grasping at straws.

I hate what feeling useless turned you into. I just wanted my twin back.

[notapancake]

I AM GIVING YOU EXAMPLES.

[He wants to scream at Leo, he wants to hit him, because he keeps saying the same things over and over and Leo isn't listening.]

And maybe I want my family to not go and bring a stranger into our ninpo, I want my family to not run off at every damned chance he can because, because I don't know!

Casey says you need me to be yourself, but if this is yourself, then yeah. You want me to be honest? I hate you. I hate that you said we can do this, and then you just leave me.

[It's probably a good thing they're not in the same area right now. Although he's all worked up and trying to not cry, and failing.]

[grabaslice]

[Leonardo takes a deep breath, trying to just be present instead of boiling over in anger. He struggles to even articulate anything that isn't just more frustration.]

I left you, Donnie?

I wanted to help you, I pushed you to get cured, to work with Casey, and you ran from us. You made it abundantly clear you didn't want me around or to even talk about the topic. No matter what I said, what I did, you stayed in your lab and pretended you were perfectly in control. Hell, you didn't even want to tell me you were sick again. You planned on keeping that secret until it slipped. I shouldn't have shouted at you then either, but what the fuck else could I do? Just nod and act like it was fine?

I lashed out at you for scaring Casey. I shouldn't have resorted to violence first, but you threatened my son. You scared him. I'm not about to let someone scare or threaten my damn kid. I was scared of what was happening to you because of all of this. I wanted to see you, but you didn't want to see me.

Was I supposed to ignore your clear boundaries and just keep showing up hoping you had changed your mind?

If you consider me staying with my friend for a short while 'running off', I don't know what to say. Hell, I only gave Caduceus access to the ninpo to be sure, absolutely sure we were all safe. It wasn't some grand fucking flex on you. I stand by my decision to get help in a situation that is out of my control.

Don't act like I'm some god damn villain, here. I'm sure as fuck not perfect, Donnie. I'll own my mistakes. The fact I did push you too hard, that I chose to fight you instead of talk it out, that I'd rather keep the peace than push you sometimes, but, what do you want me to do?

I asked you, 'what do you want? What do you need?' and you just ran off.

1/2

[notapancake]

[He doesn't reply, taking his time to read everything that Leo has written and just.

He's so done, so done. He doesn't want to say anything to all of that, but also if he doesn't reply, Leo will just say he's running off. But he needs a moment to just.

Not tell Leo to fuck off forever.]

2/2 voice

[notapancake]

[Again with the too long to respond, but it's voice now because he just.]

I don't know anymore.

[Tired of this, and maybe also tired from being drained of blood multiple times in a row. But yeah, tired.]

voice

[grabaslice]

[An actual call is not what Leo expected. He assumed Donnie would just... end things and walk off.]

You don't have to answer those questions now. I'll... [He takes in a breath, not sure if its helping or hurting the situation.] I'll leave them here. Between us, and we'll see what happens?

I don't want things to be like this forever, Donnie.

[notapancake]

... I don't think it can change, Leo.

[He hates that everyone else seems to have adjusted easily, or that Leo said he'd help him out. But none of that shows in his tone of voice.]

[grabaslice]

I think it can, Donnie. [He does believe that, even with all the fighting that has been going on.] We both need to just listen to each other. Even if it is a lot easier to fight.

[notapancake]

Yeah, look at how well that's gone. [Because he highly doubts Leo will listen, also considering what Casey asked him before well... He's come to the conclusion that what he wants or what will make him happy doesn't matter, as it's always been.]

[grabaslice]

[He's just gotta be a bitch out the gate-]

Some things take more than one or two tries, Donnie. Especially for two people set in their ways.

[notapancake]

Maybe, but I've realized something a long time ago Leo... So I'm just going to go back to doing what I did back then.

[Not even bitchy! Just stating a fact.]

[grabaslice]

Can you tell me what you realized? I feel like... we're on completely different pages in the same book, Dee. Hell, different chapters. I don't like how it feels. How I'm making you feel.

[notapancake]

[Hrn, he's pretty sure Leo won't like hearing it and also part of him believes Leo won't listen anyway but, why the fuck not. May as well.]

That what I want, or what makes me happy, doesn't matter. So why even try, it's better for everyone if I just do what makes them happy instead.

[grabaslice]

What you want and what makes you happy does matter. [He says this very firmly in kind.] I can't help you get what makes you happy unless we both understand each other.

We're not fighting a war anymore. We have the time to talk now. To feel things. Even if they're not fun, even if they hurt- it's better than pretending it's all fine.

[notapancake]

There's nothing to understand, because you never have and will never understand.

[He does honestly believe it, things didn't get better until he changed. So, just going back to what works, he guesses.]

[grabaslice]

How is there nothing to understand? You want to go back to masking all the time because you're frustrated and feel helpless.

[notapancake]

Or I could do it because then maybe you'd stop being a stupid asshole.

[grabaslice]

[A snarky comment sits in the back of his throat, but he manages to settle himself.]

Look. Besides dogging on me, which, whatever, fine. Fair enough. I'm... I'm really trying here. Even if I keep fumbling the ball somehow.

I think we both want the same thing here, but we're talking around each other a little. I'm clearly not hearing what you need. [For as frustrated as he is by all of this, he'll give up on trying to hold ground if he can get Donnie to just talk to him.]

[notapancake]

No, I don't think we do. Since you've made it clear you want to be around Casey's therapist all the time.

[He's said it so many times now, and it just seems like Leo isn't getting it.]

[grabaslice]

Do you miss me? Do you miss hanging out? [Let's try another angle. Not commenting on what was said directly.]

[notapancake]

[Leo might just hear him go "oh my god" at the questions.]

I've been pretty clear about that, actually.

[He has not, but he thinks telling Leo that Leo is spending too much time with Cad is being clear.]